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| Dan the man's lucky Irish longhorn skull arm tattoo |
This is one of my best clients, his names Dan, and hes fucking rad.
i might be commissioned by him to paint one of his electric guitars, which would be a interesting portfolio piece to have/ cool to do for someone who i feel like i can see eye to eye with, this was a Irish tattoo, that he previously go, as his first tattoo from me, awhile back at the first shop i worked at, lucky was one of his best friends, who died of his consumption of booze, but which i find so interesting, he knew he was going to die, and... moved away on everyone, to go die among strangers.
... strangers...
they meet, become best friends, lovers, and then.. become strangers again...
i was talking to him, telling him how i usually defensively turn away from people, when a relationship ends, hell, im never fully invested anyway.. and i just, cut the tie, and walk away, because nothing has ever been normal, between me and her, and because of my failure to grow, im going to try and take a positive step forward, and not do what i always do, its easier, and so much more pain free, but i think i deserve to feel...
(he mentioned that i was a old soul... people always tell me that... that... i was maturely thinking and changing my ways at a younger age then most people hes around in his own age.. which was really a cool thing to hear... it only matters, when people compliment you... if you respect them, i have a lot of respect for Dan, hes a mythological creature)
"on these cold nights the silence never helps it's just a wake up call, a
wake up fall and i should've braced myself but what fun would that have
been i
would have missed out on feeling"
i think i need to stop taking the easy path in life, and dealing with things, by turning my back, in almost, a immature cowardly way.. im hoping to grow and learn from this.. she gave me more then i could ever ask from someone, and she tried so hard to snap me back to reality, and make me see with eyes unclouded... but she couldn't... keep up... the fight....
im grateful for everything she let me have, for her being in my life, i have to rise above and stop this feeling bad for myself, self hatred bullshit, liveing in the past isnt anyway to live in the future...
and, if this is done.
if it truley is
and i hope it isnt, but thats my problem
how do you ask someone back who.. tried so hard to.. make it work, and you didnt even.. notice..
regardless, if its done.
"it hurts when something good ends, but clinging to it knowing its done is more painful" than k you tum tumm, for your wise crunchy cookies of fourtian goodness..
im trying to lear the beauity of letting go.
atleast she wants to still talk, and be my freind.
some days i dont think i deserve that.
who knows.
all i can do is dream, send my aura's soaring into the atmosphere, channel my energy, mourn my dead, and fourge things out of my pain, work towards.... maybe a new beginning. she has a peice of me, and i have a peice of her. why doesnt this feel... done...
where my closure?
'cause i want more.
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| Human Heart oil painting |
an oil painting with gooy shitty feelings like everything seems to be giveing me these days
part of a grander picture, which will hold the metaphore, of, pain, and a 6, ghost armed figure, whos chest is shattering like glass, exposeing a landscape... gaurd thy heart
